Oh I hear you beautiful. I hear ya honey bee. I know that feeling. When all the world seems to be rocking their rhinestones about the joint and posting their tales of whimsy all over that there internet. You meanwhile are sat home watching reruns of Home and Away in your PJs and scouring Instagram wishing it was you on stage.
In that turd of self doubt creeps. Sits there slowly fermenting and choking you with negativity. Smearing her shiteness on your mental health.
The year is over a quarter of the way done and some of us feel like we havent made the most of it. Thats ok. I havent. I still havent finished my Boadicea act that is in her 9th reincarnation. Nor am I running the lengths I need to for my half marathon. I am not yet done redesigning my new website and its ok. I am doing ok.
We can easily get down when we believe we should be out performing. Sometimes we would rather not be wiping baby poo and instead pouring glitter on ourselves. Thats ok to think that. We are ok.
There are less and less shows and more and more performers. Do the maths. There will be quiet times. Those times may expand into months. That is ok. Believe me, that is ok. Your career will be full of peaks and troughs. You cant be 100% booked all the time for all of time. I’ll be frank and honest, if I hadnt my corporate connection work, I’d have only performed about 8 times this quarter. Given that one year I performed over 100+ times on the scene.
TOP TIP: List all the things you have done. Be it a walk in the park, the food shop, made a kids costume for world book day. You may find you have done a whole heap of stuff. Not all of it burlesque related but its still stuff you achieved.
Spend less time wishing you were onstage and more time living your life away from it. I swear the former is helped by the latter. Be it a renewed zest for burlesque or inspiration hitting you hard or simply focusing on what is really important. Live the life you have away from the limelight.
I have missed you this year as I havent blogged as much. I have been busy and building my photography work up. I had to take a step down from performing the last two months. I had a stint of 12 performances back to back for a corporate client and it broke me. I was mentally and physically exhausted. I am pushing myself to get back into the scene and less of the corporate world to recapture what I love. I will be ok.
Whats more important is, so will you be. I promise.
Thank you Khandie, I really needed to read that. I had to take about a year off from burlesque due to financial issues, requiring a part-time job on Friday and Saturday nights, and trying to come back has been difficult. Taking classs and going to shows to stay in circulation is cost prohibitive (I live in Austin so it’s not just admission, its drink minimums and paying to park) and the constant rejection from producers, all the shows happening that I never hear about in order to even audition, four acts without video because the videographer either blew off a show or because the producer just didn’t give the video after numerous requests — it is all wearing me down. I’m pouring everything into the one booking I have, my first where I am doing two acts in one show, and trying not to let myself think that the universe is nudging me to quit.
I would start by getting yourself a contract and perhaps looking to pay someone to video your acts even if it is only in a dance studio or perhaps filming it yourself via a mobile phone? there are too many performers for too little shows so there will be down time. If your current emails/cv isnt getting noticed, revamp it. Change it. If nothing else it makes you more proactive.