‘My Social Network Stalker’

Did anyone else see the Channel 4 documentary about Ruth Jeffery and her social network stalker called rather descriptively  ‘My Social Network Stalker‘? (shown 20th Feb 2012) Whilst this program highlighted just how naive we can be at times, it also showed how easy in this modern day life we can use technology to ruin someone and their lives.

Whilst I was shocked at how naive Ruth was regarding her nude images/videos I wasnt suprised she wouldnt believe who the culprit was despite being told and confronted with evidence. My heart goes out to her family too. But well done on them for sticking by their daughter and working through it as a unit, a team…as a family.

This program struck a personal chord with me however.

A number of years ago I was suddenly the recipient of some vile text messages. They started off simply calling me names in a rather juvenile way. As I didnt recognise the number it was easy to ignore and dismiss. Often people can resort to this sort of thing so I didnt feel the need to worry. Sure they hurt but they are only letters on a screen. Throughout the next few days the messages increased in frequency with heightening level of violent threats. I confided in a person I was dating at the time who told me to dismiss it. Then one morning the messages threatened to hurt me and gave my exact address. This now scared me.

Thankfully after two nights watching my door when home, I confided in my awesome boss. He immediately took me to the police who started investigating…sure enough whilst it was never proven who exactly done it, I was informed (off record by someone) to stop dating the person I was. After I did, I started to receive vile messages on Facebook under my real name which was odd as no one would have known it was me as I used a cookie picture as an avatar. I immediately reported this to Facebook themselve and deleted my personal profile.

Then the real slip up came.

My original website on a different URL to this one was used to contact me. The same style of abuse but stupidly the culprit forgot about the IP logging my website did. Four more messages were then sent. Finally I had enough. Using the communication act of 2003 the police were able to tell my harasser in no uncertain terms to go away and never contact me. Harassment via social networking/communications can be taken to the police if deemed to be of a concerning nature. To class as harassment my understanding is that any communication can be used as long as it is on 3 or more occasions no matter how far apart you may have received them (e.g all on one day or 3 months apart etc). The police visited the culprit and i never heard from them again. Finally it was over…but it didnt last.

For reasons I care not/can not go into, a smiliar pattern of events started up. This time targeting me directly on a professional level but using personal ‘digs’. It wasnt long  after the messages were posted I was informed of their existance. I quickly went to the police as I was being accused of things that were completely untrue and unfounded. Secondly my mom also noticed things and being that she lived in Australia she was panicking for my safety/not being there for me. Quickly, having learnt from my previous ‘issues’ with this sort of thing I called the police. They were amazing. I mean really amazing. They recognised immediately that this information being spread was lies/damaging as well as being defamation of character in a public forum. My investigating officer was very grateful I had screen printed all of the abuse I came across on the internet about me. This was very useful as the sites had removed it all by the time the police went to look for it and they were unable to provide the necessary proof of posting when the police asked.

I started to panic though. Normally I am a very chilled out person disregarding idle abuse but this was something more sinister and the person did little to hide their identity. Lets face it, I and what I do am never going to be everyone’s cup of tea. This time the abuse was too much too public and too personal for me to tackle alone. I was recovering from a serious illness, changing job and starting out in my new flat in a totally new area so the pressure was on. This tipped the scales too far for me alone to pull it back into balance. I started to lose my hair and weight as well as being scared to go out. Thankfully a rather lovely group of friends were immediately on hand to perk me up. Luckily the police quickly found the culprit and I am happy to report they can no longer speak about me, or access information about me by way of a harrassment order as I understand it. If this person was to speak about me and I found evidence they would be in serious trouble with the law.

We all think simply posting on social networking sites is fun but we also forget how much we give away about ourselves. I rarely post my location unless I am already leaving or in a large group of friends. But even this can be used to track habits and I know my loved ones worry about my safety.  I am self defence trained so feel fairly confident when walking about but there is something more hurtful and more cutting seeing the abuse in black and white, be that on my phone or computer. Thankfully there are laws to protect me and I know my rights now. With social networking being recently in the media spotlight over their safety protecals I know there is still a long way to go before we can be ‘safe’. Sadly we will never be free from internet trolls, bullies and stalkers. We must realise that everything on the internet is now trackable, sometimes its harder to track but it can be done. Deleting does not remove it.

Dont sit alone and let people ruin your life. The internet and phones are great tools but sometimes idiots abuse them. We no longer bully in the playground alone, now it seems we bully in the virtual world and bring it into the sanctuary of our own homes. Shutting the front door on them is no longer the option. Yes we can delete our accounts but the thought of lies and abuse going on without our knowledge can be too much. Sure learn to ignore the petty but deal with the serious issues head on and with your rights by your side holding your hand. There is no reason to sit in the dark scared.

Sometimes poking the hornets nest will bring out the stings but like we all know there is ointment to take the pain away: the law, your rights and your belief in being a better person. So dont be afraid.