What Lies Behind The Image

It has been a while since I have stood in front of a camera to photograph something other than me the burlesque performer. Without wanting to sound ungrateful for all that I have achieved, sometimes the me behind the red lipstick gets lost in the rhinestones. When I split from my long term partner I hit the lowest point in my life for a few years. I am not afraid to admit that. Whilst I did not mourn the loss of the boy himself, it was more for the fact I was at a loss as who I was now. I had fallen for someone who was not who I thought they were. Whilst he quickly moved on I did not. I made the conscious decision not to. Not simply a case of ‘finding myself’ but instead being ok with it.

A shoot with Nils Bratby had be arranged for a while but when the time came to do it, I was dreading it. I love working with the Bratby men (his father was one of the first photographers I ever worked with) so it wasnt that. It was the fact I was so low in esteem at that point. I had spent the night crying and feeling so heartbroken. No matter what the reasons a relationship breaks down, only a fool would deny it does not hurt even a smidge.

Stood in the dressing room, getting ready to stand in front of camera, I felt awful, ugly and fragile. Walking in front of the lens I never felt more vulnerable and isolated. I was ready for the camera to steal the last bit of my dignity.

Then the first image was taken and something wonderful happened. Nils is a great person to have photograph you. I laughed, giggled, danced and acted the dork all under his encouragement.

I left that day on a high.

Then the images came through. Just wow. Now when I look at these I remember how I felt before and after.

I wrote this on my facebook fan page:

I did this shoot not long after becoming single. Heartbroken Nils got me in front of his camera and the experience was truly awesome. Never gonna look back and regret walking away from something so destructive. I am on my way. I dont care where but it wont be back. Yep that is deep but sometimes I like to pretend I aint as shallow as a puddle 🙂 x

I hope you enjoy the images. I can honestly say that a shoot with the Bratby men is amazing and you should get one booked. I feel on top of the world.