Going Back To Go Forward

Sometimes it is so easy to become self absorbed and lost to the transient world, that we need to go back to see how to go forward. I strongly believe you cant go forward without knowing where you and what you do have been. No point repeating unless its a tribute and to re-educate otherwise its just tacky.

Recently I did and am doing  a lot of ‘going back’. I am frustrated as both a performer and dare I say it, an artist.I for a long time have been unhappy in the situation I am in be it burlesque or the ‘writing’ community. Unable to see what it was that annoyed me so much I decided to cut ties for a while. Some may notice my twitter has gone quiet (though only my @KhandieKhisses account) and  I have limited the waffling on my facebook fan page too. I dont wish to be a diva about it but for a while a lot has annoyed me to the point of being tempted to can it all. No I dont need mollycoddling or telling me to keep my chin up. Nor do I want to go into the exact reasons why I am cutting ties. Yeah I am an evil lady.

I have decided the only way to get my ass in gear is to go back to my roots. So…back I go. Whilst I wont resort to my natural ginger hair, I have decided to revisit old hobbies in an attempt to reignite the spark that I seem to have put out whether deliberately or not.

So…recently I have gone back. First was to relive the music I was brought up on: scratchy ceramic records of bluesy jazz singers and gypsy violin tunes. Out comes the record player…out comes the dusty heavy records from the attic and cue hours laying on the floor listening. In a somewhat cathartic way, I have realised why I love the music I love. Inspired? Perhaps.

Next in the ‘roots revival’ has been to clear out my original costumes from the first few years of performing. If it can not be reused it has been donated to the nearest charity shop. I wanted to get rid of them rather than sell them on. I wanted to see them removed. Odd behaviour but it felt so good to know someone somewhere is going to be rocking my old corsets etc.

For the past few months I have gone back to a very old secret hobby of mine: singing. Never one to sing in public, I have been attending vocal lessons and for the first time ever I sang in public last week. To applause. Not huge nor on a mega stage but I sang. I had back up but I was there. I probably wont take it on to the burlesque stage but it has proved I can step out of my comfort zone.

The next steps are refreshing old skills: fire manipulation (6 year break from it!) and a few others…

Wish me luck in the revival. No one wants to be stagnant. Not even pond scum.