I cried in Costa – Why?

I am often told by friends that I do too much. That I am always working. I would not have swapped my world for anything. I have an amazing and very privileged life. I get to entertain people, photograph people and so much more.

Recently however my world fell apart. Late on a Sunday night a few weeks ago, I was rushed into hospital. In the weeks previous, I thought I had an ear infection due to headaches and dizziness. I had tried antibiotic drops but nothing appeased it. Then Sunday I became very slurred in speech. My face left numb. I rang the NHS direct line and was told either I go immediately to hospital or they would order an ambulance. Thats when I realised I wasnt suffering from an ear infection.

I arrived in the hospital and straight away the flurry of medical activity happened.  Blood tests, ECGs, CT and MRI scans. I was calm but to be honest I am pretty much a cold fish in this sort of situation. I could barely maintain my balance. I felt like I was on a fairground ride. The world was spinning and my eyes couldnt focus.

A lovely doctor came to speak to me. He sat next to me and told me there was a smudge on my CT scan. I didnt understand and said ‘perhaps its time to clean the monitor’. He laughed but thats when the words T.I.A and stroke were spoken.

TIA is often referred to as a mini stroke but can sometimes mean a full stroke is on its way. It seems I had a few. I had a bleed in my brain. My weeks of ear infection…may not have been that. I wasnt scared. Its easy to disassociate yourself from an affliction you cant see. Stupid I know.

I am left now with some confusion when tired. I become somewhat tongue tied. So when I cried yesterday in Costa Coffee because I could not repeat my order, I am not hormonal, or forgetful. Its because I am scared that I cant say what I mean to say.

Thankfully all symptoms will go away in time.

I have to say I have kept this somewhat close to my chest. Its not something to boast about but it seems TIAs are becoming quite common if the hospital waiting room was anything to go by.

I have since been back performing…no less than a week later in Swansea. I got two standing ovations and it made all of this crap worth it. I am a happy lady. I am ok. I am lucky. I am not invincible but I am damn strong. I am back in front of the camera and behind it, I am back performing and its the best therapy for my soul ever.

To look at me you wouldnt know. Thats just how I like it. I dont need handling with kid gloves. I dont need special treatment. I am the same performer. The same nut job.

I dont need sympathy. I just want people to be mindful of their bodies, be aware of actions and also know if you have suffered this, you arent alone xxx